Ahhhhhh!! Same same same same and sometimes I want to scream with the rage of having lost who I used to be, while all the while knowing it could be much worse than it is. In solidarity. I’m so grateful to you for sharing. I never talk about this side of my life. Not in writing, and rarely with friends or family other than my spouse. I’m sad for what I know is the reality you live, and also excited to *see* you. If that makes sense.
I feel for all like you who suffer, it makes my own troubles seem like a walk in the park. I often try to remember there are others worse off than me, but our challenges are all comparitive and we are only experiencing our own. Thank you for sharing this sensitive subject and I wish you well.
Hi Pete! Thank you for reading and for your comment. And yes, there's always someone better off, and worse off, too. Find joy where you can--even if it's just a little bit each day!
This explains so much. You are kind and smart and creative and capable. You have masked so well and now, knowing the burden you have carried all this time, I understand what tremendous effort that has taken. You know my love language is making food for my friends. I am planning a jar of vegan cheese sauce for you (no mushrooms). 😘
Aww, Diane--thank you for taking the time to read and for your lovely comment. I so enjoyed bumping into you and the "boys" today--and I am always here for that amazing cheese sauce! You are a fabulous chef :)
Oh, Mark! Hello, friend. How are you? It's so nice to hear from you and know you're still out there reading life: examined. Are you still across the river? Thanks for popping in and commenting :)
Bit of a nomad these days. Spending time with a friend in Texas, visiting family in San Diego, TED conference in Atlanta... Will swing through Lisbon end of next month then see my daughter in Sweden. After that, who knows :)
I have been following you since the beginning of your journey to Portugal. I’m originally from San Diego too, but I am in Hawaii now, after a couple of years in Thailand.
I had disabling CFS and fibromyalgia for 20 years. Doctors basically dismissed me as crazy until I got tested and found that I was positive for Lyme disease.
Treatment took time, but I am 90% better! I am telling you this because I’m so sympathetic to your situation. I honestly didn’t think I would ever be well again. I hope somehow you can get the help you need to recover.
Your story is all the more inspiring considering the difficulties you’ve overcome to make a new life in Portugal!
Hi Caleb. Thank you for reading and responding to my post. I've always wondered about Lyme disease--it's the one of the few stones I've yet to overturn. I'll look into it. Thanks, too, for the time you took to read and share a snippet of your story with me--I appreciate you!
I have cheered you on from afar, Shanna, because I know how much of a challenge it is to move abroad having done so twice so far. I fell in love with Portugal when on vacation there a few years ago. It is at the top of my list after learning about the higher probability of success there.
With Lyme, you have to make sure you see a Lyme literate physician if you do decide to get tested. I’m not sure what the criteria are in Europe, but the testing standards are very strange in the US and many people with Lyme are given a negative result.
Anyway, I hope you don’t have it, but with treatment there can be good results.
Thank you for this post. I can tell how hard it has been for you to share it.
I have (mild) fibromyalgia and (bad) chronic migraine. I try very hard not to mask it - I try to live my life openly and honestly and if people are troubled by it, I'm ok with that.
I want to offer one thing I've learned: I have someone I know who offers me the phrase "This too shall pass." When I am in the midst of the worst of it, I completely forget it will end. I hope this might help you as well.
Aww, Amy--thank you for reading and commenting. I'm grateful for your kind words and that you shared a bit of your story. "This too shall pass" is a useful phrase. I like short phrases as little mantras. I'm not one to be super woo-woo, but having phrases I can resort to at the most challenging times can help. I like "and this, too." I think that one came from meditation teacher Tara Brach.
I know this writing has been in the works for months, and I’m so glad it finally met the light of day. Your courage is what originally drew me to you. Much love, always!
I'm really sorry to read this, like so many others, I live with a variety of physical and mental issues. Right now, I limp badly due to my knee deciding it had better things to do than work with the rest of my leg. I do want to suggest you have a sleep test, I did and it turned out I have severe sleep apnea and now sleep with a CPAP. I am far less tired. A lot of people with fatigue are unaware of this as a problem, or think it only comes with being severely overweight, which isn't true. Other than that, my goatskin is blank so I can't even try to use it for recipes.
Oh no, Jeff--I am so sorry to hear about your knee (as I sit here with leg elevated and a support band around mine, finding that walking is a bit of an ouchie thing to do)!
Sleep test: oh, yes. I've had one. My sleep score was 31. I have a CPAP. Anything above 30 is considered extreme apnea. Yay, me. The CPAP is not my best look, but I'm hopeful that my brain cells have decided to hang on a bit longer with this intervention :/
Lack of sleep-fatigue-lack of sleep-fatigue is a vicious cycle. I hope to adapt to the CPAP soon so I can get some consistent sleep!
Thanks for reading and your comments--I appreciate 'em!
I applaude you Shanna for divulging your health issues. It's a hard thing for a chronic sufferer to do. I know from experience. Since the age of 12, I'm 62 now, I've had chronic pain, exhaustion, brain fog, etc. I've seen every type of doctor telling them something is not right but they look at my lab results and say they can't find anything. I started doing my own research after I retired and moved to Portugal. I found Dr Brooke Goldner. Her website and the way she gives out wonderful advice for free has turned my life around. Smoothieshred.com I have energy, (feels weird to feel normal) and my pain is gone most days. I follow the recommendations for diet change and it freakin works!! When I eat processed or sugary foods my symptoms come back. My life is hopeful now. I know you might not want any unsolicited advice, but after decades of suffering, I'm living proof there are answers. Best wishes to you.
Hi Marlene. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my post. As someone who has been a chronic pain sufferer, you understand how hard it is to reveal this truth about yourself--especially when masking has been one of the ways you get by.
On your suggestion I'll look up Dr. Goldner and see if there's something there that resonates. Many thanks for this--and keep reading!
Very, very brave of you to put this 'out there'. I have been following you since I "met" Andrew online and have loved your writing and the determination which comes through in everything you post.
Invisible is hard. I live with C-PTSD. I cannot know how you feel, but I know that something debilitating which other people are not aware of is not easy, not easy at all.
Thank you for reading and for your comments. I'm glad you found me via, Andrew--he's such a dear friend. I'm sorry you live with C-PTSD--an affliction that can be very difficult to manage. I hope you are able to enjoy some bright days without too much suffering getting in the way. Take care, and keep reading!
Hi Shanna, good to hear from you but sorry you're in pain. I know exactly what you.mean and how you're feeling! When us women get to a certain age ( I won't go into too much detail here!) Our bodies are telling us to slow down, take it easy and stop thinking you're still 30 and can still do what you've always done and don't listen to know-it-alls who get all self righteous telling you what you don't want to hear and telling you to get a grip and stop whingeing! You don't need to listen to those people because truth be told,they're more paranoid than you!! I suddenly realised one day that I'm a certain age and I cannot physically do what I did 30 years ago, I have ailments and it's what it is!
Doesn't stop me feeling useless and surplus to requirements but just be thankful you're not in a condition where you just can't function anymore and there's always someone worse off than you and then be grateful you're not suffering more than they are! I totally sympathise with you and hear you, being a bit (older, well more mature shall we say!) I totally understand where you're coming from! Take care, I hope you find relief and comfort and don't suffer too much! Keep smiling, take care, Anne xx
Hi Anne. So nice to hear from you. I appreciate and always enjoy reading your comments.
I do heed my body's demands for rest as I can no longer ignore them. That's okay--I have a pretty comfy setup from my bed-desk, and most days (lately) I'm up and about doing loads of things. It surprises me sometimes, how good I'm doing, but then I get moved back to square one for a while. It's all a process and acceptance is the key!
Thank you for sharing this very intimate part of your life, Shanna. I've been following your soulful and genuine writings for years, and hope to for many many more. Take care 😊
Thank you so much for your kind words and for being a longtime reader, Sher. I am grateful for your support. I hope to be writing for a long, long time, so it's good to have you along!
Ahhhhhh!! Same same same same and sometimes I want to scream with the rage of having lost who I used to be, while all the while knowing it could be much worse than it is. In solidarity. I’m so grateful to you for sharing. I never talk about this side of my life. Not in writing, and rarely with friends or family other than my spouse. I’m sad for what I know is the reality you live, and also excited to *see* you. If that makes sense.
I feel for all like you who suffer, it makes my own troubles seem like a walk in the park. I often try to remember there are others worse off than me, but our challenges are all comparitive and we are only experiencing our own. Thank you for sharing this sensitive subject and I wish you well.
Hi Pete! Thank you for reading and for your comment. And yes, there's always someone better off, and worse off, too. Find joy where you can--even if it's just a little bit each day!
This explains so much. You are kind and smart and creative and capable. You have masked so well and now, knowing the burden you have carried all this time, I understand what tremendous effort that has taken. You know my love language is making food for my friends. I am planning a jar of vegan cheese sauce for you (no mushrooms). 😘
Aww, Diane--thank you for taking the time to read and for your lovely comment. I so enjoyed bumping into you and the "boys" today--and I am always here for that amazing cheese sauce! You are a fabulous chef :)
So sorry to hear Shanna, and many thanks for sharing, I appreciate how difficult that can be.
Oh, Mark! Hello, friend. How are you? It's so nice to hear from you and know you're still out there reading life: examined. Are you still across the river? Thanks for popping in and commenting :)
Bit of a nomad these days. Spending time with a friend in Texas, visiting family in San Diego, TED conference in Atlanta... Will swing through Lisbon end of next month then see my daughter in Sweden. After that, who knows :)
Hi Shanna,
I have been following you since the beginning of your journey to Portugal. I’m originally from San Diego too, but I am in Hawaii now, after a couple of years in Thailand.
I had disabling CFS and fibromyalgia for 20 years. Doctors basically dismissed me as crazy until I got tested and found that I was positive for Lyme disease.
Treatment took time, but I am 90% better! I am telling you this because I’m so sympathetic to your situation. I honestly didn’t think I would ever be well again. I hope somehow you can get the help you need to recover.
Your story is all the more inspiring considering the difficulties you’ve overcome to make a new life in Portugal!
Wishing you all good things in the year ahead!
Hi Caleb. Thank you for reading and responding to my post. I've always wondered about Lyme disease--it's the one of the few stones I've yet to overturn. I'll look into it. Thanks, too, for the time you took to read and share a snippet of your story with me--I appreciate you!
I have cheered you on from afar, Shanna, because I know how much of a challenge it is to move abroad having done so twice so far. I fell in love with Portugal when on vacation there a few years ago. It is at the top of my list after learning about the higher probability of success there.
With Lyme, you have to make sure you see a Lyme literate physician if you do decide to get tested. I’m not sure what the criteria are in Europe, but the testing standards are very strange in the US and many people with Lyme are given a negative result.
Anyway, I hope you don’t have it, but with treatment there can be good results.
I’m saving my pennies for my next escape!
Wishing you all the best!
Caleb
Thank you for this post. I can tell how hard it has been for you to share it.
I have (mild) fibromyalgia and (bad) chronic migraine. I try very hard not to mask it - I try to live my life openly and honestly and if people are troubled by it, I'm ok with that.
I want to offer one thing I've learned: I have someone I know who offers me the phrase "This too shall pass." When I am in the midst of the worst of it, I completely forget it will end. I hope this might help you as well.
Aww, Amy--thank you for reading and commenting. I'm grateful for your kind words and that you shared a bit of your story. "This too shall pass" is a useful phrase. I like short phrases as little mantras. I'm not one to be super woo-woo, but having phrases I can resort to at the most challenging times can help. I like "and this, too." I think that one came from meditation teacher Tara Brach.
Warm regards to you, your partner, and Milo!!!!
Thank you, Leil!
Blessings and peace for you, and thank you for sharing this most personal story.
Thank you, Maria, for taking time to read and comment on my post--and thank you for the warm wishes of peace--I send back to you the same!
I know this writing has been in the works for months, and I’m so glad it finally met the light of day. Your courage is what originally drew me to you. Much love, always!
I'm really sorry to read this, like so many others, I live with a variety of physical and mental issues. Right now, I limp badly due to my knee deciding it had better things to do than work with the rest of my leg. I do want to suggest you have a sleep test, I did and it turned out I have severe sleep apnea and now sleep with a CPAP. I am far less tired. A lot of people with fatigue are unaware of this as a problem, or think it only comes with being severely overweight, which isn't true. Other than that, my goatskin is blank so I can't even try to use it for recipes.
Post more, please.
Oh no, Jeff--I am so sorry to hear about your knee (as I sit here with leg elevated and a support band around mine, finding that walking is a bit of an ouchie thing to do)!
Sleep test: oh, yes. I've had one. My sleep score was 31. I have a CPAP. Anything above 30 is considered extreme apnea. Yay, me. The CPAP is not my best look, but I'm hopeful that my brain cells have decided to hang on a bit longer with this intervention :/
Lack of sleep-fatigue-lack of sleep-fatigue is a vicious cycle. I hope to adapt to the CPAP soon so I can get some consistent sleep!
Thanks for reading and your comments--I appreciate 'em!
I applaude you Shanna for divulging your health issues. It's a hard thing for a chronic sufferer to do. I know from experience. Since the age of 12, I'm 62 now, I've had chronic pain, exhaustion, brain fog, etc. I've seen every type of doctor telling them something is not right but they look at my lab results and say they can't find anything. I started doing my own research after I retired and moved to Portugal. I found Dr Brooke Goldner. Her website and the way she gives out wonderful advice for free has turned my life around. Smoothieshred.com I have energy, (feels weird to feel normal) and my pain is gone most days. I follow the recommendations for diet change and it freakin works!! When I eat processed or sugary foods my symptoms come back. My life is hopeful now. I know you might not want any unsolicited advice, but after decades of suffering, I'm living proof there are answers. Best wishes to you.
Hi Marlene. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my post. As someone who has been a chronic pain sufferer, you understand how hard it is to reveal this truth about yourself--especially when masking has been one of the ways you get by.
On your suggestion I'll look up Dr. Goldner and see if there's something there that resonates. Many thanks for this--and keep reading!
Thank you for the recommendation. I will definitely check her out!
Thank you for sharing your story. Wishing you all the best.
Hi Michael. Thanks for reading and commenting--I appreciate you!
Very, very brave of you to put this 'out there'. I have been following you since I "met" Andrew online and have loved your writing and the determination which comes through in everything you post.
Invisible is hard. I live with C-PTSD. I cannot know how you feel, but I know that something debilitating which other people are not aware of is not easy, not easy at all.
Thank you for reading and for your comments. I'm glad you found me via, Andrew--he's such a dear friend. I'm sorry you live with C-PTSD--an affliction that can be very difficult to manage. I hope you are able to enjoy some bright days without too much suffering getting in the way. Take care, and keep reading!
Always so nice to hear your voice (even through the interwebs). Thank you for sharing and much love to you.
Hi Shanna, good to hear from you but sorry you're in pain. I know exactly what you.mean and how you're feeling! When us women get to a certain age ( I won't go into too much detail here!) Our bodies are telling us to slow down, take it easy and stop thinking you're still 30 and can still do what you've always done and don't listen to know-it-alls who get all self righteous telling you what you don't want to hear and telling you to get a grip and stop whingeing! You don't need to listen to those people because truth be told,they're more paranoid than you!! I suddenly realised one day that I'm a certain age and I cannot physically do what I did 30 years ago, I have ailments and it's what it is!
Doesn't stop me feeling useless and surplus to requirements but just be thankful you're not in a condition where you just can't function anymore and there's always someone worse off than you and then be grateful you're not suffering more than they are! I totally sympathise with you and hear you, being a bit (older, well more mature shall we say!) I totally understand where you're coming from! Take care, I hope you find relief and comfort and don't suffer too much! Keep smiling, take care, Anne xx
Hi Anne. So nice to hear from you. I appreciate and always enjoy reading your comments.
I do heed my body's demands for rest as I can no longer ignore them. That's okay--I have a pretty comfy setup from my bed-desk, and most days (lately) I'm up and about doing loads of things. It surprises me sometimes, how good I'm doing, but then I get moved back to square one for a while. It's all a process and acceptance is the key!
Thank you for sharing this very intimate part of your life, Shanna. I've been following your soulful and genuine writings for years, and hope to for many many more. Take care 😊
Thank you so much for your kind words and for being a longtime reader, Sher. I am grateful for your support. I hope to be writing for a long, long time, so it's good to have you along!