On Friendship, Videos, and Getting Old

a day late, again! but at least I remembered the title this week.

Dec 03, 2021

life: examined is an invitation to get curious, a compendium of ideas, thoughts, and questions about living a creative, intentional life. Thank you for your support.

I’m fortunate to have a few terrific friends. A few is all I need, all we all need, in the nourishing domain of friendship.

I'm musing on this topic because my friend, Andrew, was here for about a week.

We had a fun and easy time together. Andrew and I call one another twin because we are similar in many ways. For example, we eat the same foods in the same quirky combinations at irreverent hours, our energy levels match, we both love a good nap (or two), and we love to share good conversations.

Reconnecting

I hadn't seen Andrew for two years, as was the same with my mom and brother. We've been trying to create a ritual where he comes to Portugal around New Year's every year, but last year was COVID. Next year, who knows.

We feel fortunate to have our unique friendship and grateful that we could get together this year. And with the new Omricon variant, I'm glad he was able to visit, then get home before borders shut down again.

Andrew lives in Scotland and is a solo human with a dog, like me—the solo and dog part, not the Scotland part. He’s a caravan industry journalist and has a popular YouTube channel.

Perhaps you've seen the video interviews he's made with or of me/my life. Have you been around here long enough to remember Millie, my little camper van, and the video about my Wayfarer modular camper kit? During that filming, it was the first time we’d met in person!

Maybe you saw the video Andrew made about my move—Moving to Portugal from the USA or Moving to Portugal: One Year On. Or perhaps you haven't seen them, but if curious, check out those links.

If you enjoyed those videos, as many readers told me they do, you're in for a treat as Andrew has not one but two videos coming your way about my life in Portugal.

Not a Commercial

This feels like a commercial, and I don't mean it to be, but I get so many questions about when I will start a YouTube channel (probably never, but who knows) or make more videos with Andrew. So if you've asked, now you know!

I'll trouble your inbox with a brief announcement when the videos are released if you want to watch us in all our glorious goofiness (be nice!)

Quality, Not Quantity

I'd like to have a close friend in town. I have friends, but I'm missing the close part.

My friends here are lovely, but they’re all busy with their lives and families and whatever else busy people do. Still, I feel fortunate for my casual friends—we have a lovely community in Setúbal.

But, as a woman I knew once told me (okay, my therapist): "It's hard to make new old friends."

Maybe I'm too eager. Maybe too keen to have a gal-pal with whom to tell secrets. Someone who wants to share a made-up private language between us as we wander the twisty-turny alleys of the old town. Maybe I'm a romantic? Nah, perish the thought!

I have those friends, the secret-holders and the mutual language-sharers, but they live in the U.S. and in Scotland. Still, I'm pleased to have these far-away friends, despite the sorrow I have at not being able to hug them on the regular.

Solo Aging

This getting older alone business is not for the wimpy.

Many people stay in less-than-fulfilling romantic relationships because the thought of being alone is scarier. But I guess it's the hell you know vs. the one you don't.

Solo aging is a topic of great interest to me because, hello! Solo and aging! About half my friend group is solo—and the last time I checked, they're getting older (hooray, as the alternative is rather bleak).

Being the most future-looking of my single friends, I tend to imagine how it will be in 20 years for all of us. Will two or more of us live together? Not likely. See enormous physical distance from where I live to where they live.

buy me a coffee

At one point, I harbored a fantasy (ha! I am a romantic!) that one of my friends (well, maybe two of them) would move to Portugal, and we could share a place together and help one another along the pathway from here to old age.

I've since snapped out of it, realizing it's a bunch of wasted energy on my part.

I would love to be a person in someone's life held in such high esteem that said someone wanted to make a place for me in their getting older life plans. Ah well, maybe next time around. Too bad I don't believe in reincarnation :)

Regardless of the fantasy, we solo agers need to lean on friends—and be leaned on by them.

Of course, taking myself out of the U.S. has made it more challenging on that front, but I have confidence that I will make that close friend who wants to share gibberish, knowing glances, and good coffee from our figurative porch in Portugal. Figurative, because porches are not really a thing here.

What about you? Are you, or do you anticipate being, a solo ager, too? How's your close friend network?

I’ll write in more detail about solo aging in a foreign country, so if there’s anything you’d like me to address, let me know—I’m always open to reader-suggested topics!

Favorite Portuguese to English Auto-Translation of the Week:

This is from the Alegro Setúbal website (local shopping center). Dogs are now allowed in the mall with certain restrictions.

Remember, I don’t write these, I just share ‘em! BOLD copy is theirs.

Give your paws, shake and show up at Alegro Setúbal. Bring a maximum of two big tits, each with your favorite leash (provided it is not extendable and up to 1m long), and get ready to explore and walk the dogs in our dog friendly shopping center with other eyes and more piscal snouts.

I’m laughing-crying reading this. Oh, boy…

GOOD LINKS:

Portugal may be the model to follow for how to live safely with the coronavirus via NPR
As Calls to Ban Books Intensify, Digital Librarians Offer Perspective via Internet Archive
Your World Is Your Museum. A delightful issue of The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker (I’m going to put museum labels around town—fun!)
Falling Behind by Shubnum Khan for Oldster Magazine (so much yes!)

Thanks to these generous readers for their support:

Mark, Sheila, Craig, Lee, Tim & Gayle, Suzanne, Trina, Susan, Rich, Lin, Bryan, and anonymous humans for supporting life: examined through Buy Me a Coffee.

life: examined