Rest & Reset: Restoring Equilibrium

now where did my coping skills go?

I’m wiped out. Last week, I thought I was getting sick.

Scratchy throat, alternating runny and stuffy nose, body achy. So, so tired. I mean really tired—more than usual. I’m not coping well. 

How about you—how are you? It’s okay if you’re not. Not okay, that is.

If you’re feeling down, raggedy around the edges, and a tad cerulean (that’s blue, to me and you), it’s okay. It’s not fun, but it’s fine. 2020’s challenges keep coming fast and furious, with little sign of relief. I don’t know about you, but lately my response to every little issue or frustration feels disproportionately large and dramatic. 

When the world is unpredictable, as it is now and will continue to be, when we are thrown so far outside what we thought we knew about life and how the next week, month, or year would go, we often rely on dysfunctional tactics to secure some semblance of certainty. Instead of rest, we think we just need to do things.

Why Not Be Productive?

Being productive is not just a driving force for those who uphold the tenants of late-stage capitalism and the Protestant work ethic, but it’s a coping strategy for many of us. We equate busy with production, and producing with value.

Friends and family say, I say, I wasn’t very productive today. As if the hallmark of making it through the day-to-day of a pandemic is quantifiable output.

Remember when the pandemic first hit, then it kept going, and we all got the sense that this thing might be hanging around for a while? What was the popular refrain? It was to get busy and learn a language, take up a new hobby or craft, or finally write that book or two. You know, be productive! Why not—we have so much time now!

It makes sense that we’d try using productivity as a method to create order out of chaos. Attempting to control events around us is just one of the ways we understand the world and our place in it; however it’s a futile pursuit (we control so little).

Finding My Coping Skills

Combine feeling rundown with the new COVID-19 curfew measures, mix in noisy neighbors who are up all night, and add a dash of impending winter and, well, it feels like more than I can handle right now. When I need my coping skills the most is when it feels like I have the least access to them.

I often think about how a glass of wine would remedy my short-term stress, but then I remember that I don’t drink anymore so that’s out. I picked a crappy time, or maybe a good time, to stay sober (more about that in another issue—if you are curious, let me know in the comments). 

Substances—food, drugs, alcohol, and tobacco—are the go-to for many people looking to take the edge off reality. Unfortunately, they are short-term fixes that result in nasty side effects. I don’t think I have to tell you what those side effects are; I’ve never lived through a hangover or a food coma that made me happy or fulfilled. 

Since I became a teetotaler, I’ve tried to develop coping skills that don’t depend on external sources. Skills that enhance, rather than degrade, my well-being.

Meditation, walking, rest, cooking and baking, laughter with friends, and more rest are things that usually work for me, but not this past week. And I certainly was not productive this week. Still, all this wobbly-self stuff has to be okay, because it just is, and when I fight reality, I never win. I only suffer more in the struggle. 

Embrace The Truth

So, here’s to accepting the truth of our lives as they are right now, not as we want them to be as we scan the horizon for that virus-free day somewhere in the distant, maybe never, future. Let’s be kind to ourselves, cut ourselves some slack, and build fulfilling lives despite confinement—knowing that feeling trapped is something we choose, whether confined to our homes or not. It’s going to be a long winter, might as well drop the mental chains and find liberation within constraint.

Your Turn

How about you—how do you cope? Do you do hobbies and activities, or do you gravitate toward the quiet pursuits like I do? I’d love to hear what works for you!

GOOD LINKS

+ Read

• My dear friend Tammy muses on sobriety and sleep, check it out.

• How to Read Fewer Books from The School of Life (where they recommend some of their books, but despite that, points worth pondering, here).

+ Watch

• Thanks to Rob Walker for pointing this out —> Awkward (so good!).

• Unplugged via the cinematically-adept storytellers at Green Renaissance

• LATE ENTRY! If you watch just one thing, watch How to Be at Home by poet Tanya Davis and animator Andrea Dorfman (thanks, Sophia). Ten years ago they collaborated on Tanya’s poem, How to be Alone, and now this poignant and delightful piece. Don’t miss it, it’s perfect with today’s newsletter!

  

—> If you enjoy life: examined you can buy me a coffee and/or share this letter with someone you love. Thank you for your support—it keeps me caffeinated & writing!